Legal Mail Fraud

Letters in your U.S. mailbox from American companies warning you that your vehicle warranty or Internet domain name has expired. Nothing but cowardly, faceless crooks.

Define “Price Gouging”

Retail gasoline prices in the United States go up just before every major holiday and yet the federal government maintains that price gouging doesn’t exist.

“I’m An Ass in the Morning”

This should be the name of the “Imus in the Morning” radio show. He’s too nasty and shallow for it to be called anything else.

Redneck Vibrator

Looks like a simple pickup truck but once the muffler is FUBAR it’s a masturbation device for rednecks everywhere. Comes in all sizes and colors.

Chariot of the Antichrist

I can think of 666 reasons for not owning one and global warming is at the top of that list. Then landscape scarring, then noise.

Executive Eye-Opener

If President Bush moved out of the White House and into a Walter Reed barrack he’d soon understand the grim reality and futility of war.

Pooh on the Pyramid

This has been America’s pagan idol ever since The All-Seeing Eye of God atop a pyramid was added to the back of our One-Dollar Bill.

World-Wide Spider Web

The Internet is mostly a hideout for creeps, crooks and scoundrels who would be in chains anywhere else. The rest of us are their suckers.

It’s Only Logical

If the sun is a star then the stars are probably suns.

Miracle Cures

Diseases are cured when it’s no longer profitable to treat them. Patients are cured when their health insurance benefits are exhausted.

Putting Saddam in the Rearview Mirror

Executing this war criminal in the name of justice showed the world that murdering innocent people in the name of God is never acceptable.

The Dearly Departed

They still live. But not on Earth. Let them rest in peace, wherever they are. As for me, once around is quite enough, thank you.

Pushing the Cartoon Envelope

Everybody was up in arms over Cartoon Network’s Aqua Teen stunt but no one cared that the blue cartoon characters were giving America the finger.