Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Hooker Riddle

Q. How many hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. One usually does the trick. Two if it's a three-way bulb.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Wall Street Riddle

Q. How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Your guess is as good as mine but it's usually their best guess.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Penn State Riddle

Q. How many PSU presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Two. One to hold the bulb and one to step down the ladder.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Happy Veterans Day


This is what the real 11-11-11 is all about. Remembering our veterans and honoring them. Without them we wouldn't be here. Thank you, American Veterans.

11-11-11


What the hell did you expect? Nirvana? 11-11-11 is Veterans Day in the United States. If you're looking to be enlightened today, thank a veteran.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

"Happy Valley" Riots Again

And they think people on the Mountaintop are backward and hostile. Look who's talking. Centre Region needs to secede from Centre County. For our safety.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

My Kind of Curmudgeon: Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney "peeled America like a banana" and then he offered it to us. For my money, he was the best part of "60 Minutes".


Andy Rooney
January 14, 1919 — November 4, 2012

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Sitcom: The Hidden Dictionary Definition

Half-hour situation comedy aired at prime time showing fictitious families, friends, coworkers and neighbors abusing one another for the perverted amusement of viewers and fans.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Last Pond Boss




This afternoon I found our nine-year-old goose, Mayor, dead of natural causes. Now there are no geese left at Gooseport, PA. We will miss him.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Cat Riddles

Q. What's a cat's favorite toy?

A. A cat owner.

Q. What do you call a cat that won't chase mice?

A. Lazy. What else do you call it?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Terrorist Riddle


Q. How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. As many as you allow. But don't act surprised when they change everything else.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Truth About Angels and Gods

If they're invisible to us, they're evil and unworthy. Only cowards hide from the world like thieves in the night. It's as simple as that.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Sheep Time

This clock only displays the time most feared by sheep, blind followers, lost souls and chickenshit cowards. Sorry, this clock only comes in digital version.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

PM Fiddles While London Burns

I guess the British people never heard the story of how the Roman Emperor Nero played his fiddle while Rome burned. Or, maybe they did.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Art of Theft


People who re-post other people's original material now have Blogger's twisted blessing. Sharing, my ass. It's still theft, no matter how you thieves slice it.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Crying Over Spilt Milk

As we proudly celebrate our independence from Great Britain today I'm guessing that they're not exactly toasting our Yankee health over in Merry Old England.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

LulzSec Spearheading A New 9/11

They hacked into PBS, Sony and the CIA. Their mission? To have fun. Let's reinstate CIA assassination clearance and have some fun of our own.

Friday, June 17, 2011

The "Blog This!" Bottom Line


Blog This! is a fool-ass button that allows anybody to steal and even re-edit somebody else's blog post and re-post it as their own. Un-friggin'-believable.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Blacklist Pakistan Now

Pakistan's arrest of six informants who told the CIA where to find Osama bin Laden tells Americans that Pakistan supports terrorism against the United States.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Reality TV

Half-hour television shows billed as hot, slice-of-life invasions of other people's personal spaces but which are actually low-budget, script-less, actor-less, director-less fillers between commercial spots.

Friday, May 20, 2011

no-reply@

The infamous email moniker of cowardly, online businesses who have the unmitigated gall to email people without being available for email replies from their recipients.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Junk TV


Madcap videos unfit for television. You asked for it. You got it.




Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Secret of the Internet

The Internet is a tracking device for online businesses who report your Web usage to the Feds in exchange for tax breaks and secret funding. Author's Note 6-9-13: I was wrong. It's even worse than what I thought. Click on the hyperlink and hold onto your hats.

Friday, April 22, 2011

The Bottom Line in Cloud Computing

Downsizing your PC to a mere computer terminal, renting data and tools you once owned yourself and putting your Web life in someone else's hands.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Secret of Spring

Spring is a way station for weary winter travelers who like to anticipate summer but who can't stand the heat when they finally get there.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Social Network Riddle

Q. How many online "friends" does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. Unless it's a spotlight and you shine it on them.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Money: The Hidden Dictionary Definition


A tangible or intangible legal claim to products, services, property, fame and unspeakable power that can be earned, inherited, saved, found, lost, stolen or counterfeited.

Monday, March 7, 2011

March Came In Like A #@!*#&#! Trojan Lamb


snow sucks trojan bastards shovel shit spring month snow sucks sneaky snow shit sucks shovel trojan shit snow sucks shit snow sucks snow shovel shit

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Restaurant Riddle

Q. How can you tell a cook from a chef?

A. A cook prepares food for hungry people and a chef sculpts culinary art for spoiled gluttons.

Friday, February 11, 2011

The Real Fall of Hosni Mubarak

Hats off to Egyptian citizens whose combined voices forced the resignation of their despotic leader. Just imagine what a world of such voices could accomplish.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Fighting Words


"My pile is bigger than yours."

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

1-11-11

snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow

Monday, January 3, 2011

Comic Strips I Really Miss

Ferdinand, Gasoline Alley, Henry, Little Iodine, The Katzenjammer Kids, The Little King, Maggie and Jiggs, Moon Mullins, Mutt and Jeff, Pogo, Smokey Stover, Snuffy Smith