In The Groove

Hooker Riddle

Q. How many hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. One usually does the trick. Two if it's a three-way bulb.

Wall Street Riddle

Q. How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Your guess is as good as mine but it's usually their best guess.

Reach For The Stars

When the world is not enough.

Penn State Riddle

Q. How many PSU presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Two. One to hold the bulb and one to step down the ladder.

Happy Veterans Day

This is what the real 11-11-11 is all about. Remembering our veterans and honoring them. Without them we wouldn't be here. Thank you, American Veterans.

11-11-11

What the hell did you expect? Nirvana? 11-11-11 is Veterans Day in the United States. If you're looking to be enlightened today, thank a veteran.

"Happy Valley" Riots Again

And they think people on the Mountaintop are backward and hostile. Look who's talking. Centre Region needs to secede from Centre County. For our safety.

My Kind of Curmudgeon: Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney "peeled America like a banana" and then he offered it to us. For my money, he was the best part of "60 Minutes".

Andy Rooney

January 14, 1919 — November 4, 2012

Feeding The Homeless

Sitcom: The Hidden Dictionary Definition

Half-hour situation comedy aired at prime time showing fictitious families, friends, coworkers and neighbors abusing one another for the perverted amusement of viewers and fans.

The Last Pond Boss

This afternoon I found our nine-year-old goose, Mayor, dead of natural causes. Now there are no geese left at Gooseport, PA. We will miss him.

Cat Riddles

Q. What's a cat's favorite toy?

A. A cat owner.

Q. What do you call a cat that won't chase mice?

A. Lazy. What else do you call it?

Terrorist Riddle

Q. How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. As many as you allow. But don't act surprised when they change everything else.

9/11 Gate

The Truth About Angels and Gods

If they're invisible to us, they're evil and unworthy. Only cowards hide from the world like thieves in the night. It's as simple as that.

Sheep Time

This clock only displays the time most feared by sheep, blind followers, lost souls and chickenshit cowards. Sorry, this clock only comes in digital version.

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Laughs From The Past: Henny Youngman

PM Fiddles While London Burns

I guess the British people never heard the story of how the Roman Emperor Nero played his fiddle while Rome burned. Or, maybe they did.

Laughs From The Past: Bill Dana

The Art of Theft

People who re-post other people's original material now have Blogger's twisted blessing. Sharing, my ass. It's still theft, no matter how you thieves slice it.

Laughs From The Past: Jonathan Winters

Watch this video on the Jonathan Winters page at Retro Comic Spotlight

Crying Over Spilt Milk

As we proudly celebrate our independence from Great Britain today I'm guessing that they're not exactly toasting our Yankee health over in Merry Old England.

LulzSec Spearheading A New 9/11

They hacked into PBS, Sony and the CIA. Their mission? To have fun. Let's reinstate CIA assassination clearance and have some fun of our own.

The "Blog This!" Bottom Line

Blog This! is a fool-ass button that allows anybody to steal and even re-edit somebody else's blog post and re-post it as their own. Un-friggin'-believable.

Blacklist Pakistan Now

Pakistan's arrest of six informants who told the CIA where to find Osama bin Laden tells Americans that Pakistan supports terrorism against the United States.

Reality TV

Half-hour television shows billed as hot, slice-of-life invasions of other people's personal spaces but which are actually low-budget, script-less, actor-less, director-less fillers between commercial spots.

no-reply@

The infamous email moniker of cowardly, online businesses who have the unmitigated gall to email people without being available for email replies from their recipients.

Junk TV

Madcap videos unfit for television. You asked for it. You got it.

The Secret of the Internet

The Internet is a tracking device for online businesses who report your Web usage to the Feds in exchange for tax breaks and secret funding. Author's Note 6-9-13: I was wrong. It's even worse than what I thought. Click on the hyperlink and hold onto your hats.

On the Road to Jahannum

The Bottom Line in Cloud Computing

Downsizing your PC to a mere computer terminal, renting data and tools you once owned yourself and putting your Web life in someone else's hands.

The Secret of Spring

Spring is a way station for weary winter travelers who like to anticipate summer but who can't stand the heat when they finally get there.

Social Network Riddle

Q. How many online "friends" does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. Unless it's a spotlight and you shine it on them.

Money: The Hidden Dictionary Definition

A tangible or intangible legal claim to products, services, property, fame and unspeakable power that can be earned, inherited, saved, found, lost, stolen or counterfeited.

March Came In Like A #@!*#&#! Trojan Lamb

snow sucks trojan bastards shovel shit spring month snow sucks sneaky snow shit sucks shovel trojan shit snow sucks shit snow sucks snow shovel shit

Restaurant Riddle

Q. How can you tell a cook from a chef?

A. A cook prepares food for hungry people and a chef sculpts culinary art for spoiled gluttons.

The Real Fall of Hosni Mubarak

Hats off to Egyptian citizens whose combined voices forced the resignation of their despotic leader. Just imagine what a world of such voices could accomplish.

Fighting Words

"My pile is bigger than yours."

1-11-11

snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow

Comic Strips I Really Miss

Ferdinand, Gasoline Alley, Henry, Little Iodine, The Katzenjammer Kids, The Little King, Maggie and Jiggs, Moon Mullins, Mutt and Jeff, Pogo, Smokey Stover, Snuffy Smith