Dumb and Dumber

Q. When a tree falls in the woods and nobody's there to hear it, does it make a noise?

A. Why don't you go ask a squirrel?

Happy Birthday George Washington

Junk TV: Madcap Videos Unfit For Television

Who says a science fiction author has to write books and do nothing else? Don't doctors play golf? Don't barbers go fishing? There you go.

Happy Birthday Abraham Lincoln

A Queen's Life

rise walk sit ride wave, rise walk sit ride wave, rise walk sit ride wave, rise walk sit ride wave, rise walk sit ride wave.

Making a Silk Purse Out Of a Sow's Ear

Swindler and ex-convict Martha Stewart shed her Susie Homemaker image for the Betty Crocker look, thanks to gold diggers at Hallmark. Wow. Only in America.

Reality TV Hoax

The biggest media hoax ever is when lazy, copycat television producers trick you into letting other people's everyday problems and boring lives become your entertainment.

In The Groove

Hooker Riddle

Q. How many hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. One usually does the trick. Two if it's a three-way bulb.

Wall Street Riddle

Q. How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Your guess is as good as mine but it's usually their best guess.

Reach For The Stars

When the world is not enough.

Penn State Riddle

Q. How many PSU presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Two. One to hold the bulb and one to step down the ladder.

Happy Veterans Day

This is what the real 11-11-11 is all about. Remembering our veterans and honoring them. Without them we wouldn't be here. Thank you, American Veterans.

11-11-11

What the hell did you expect? Nirvana? 11-11-11 is Veterans Day in the United States. If you're looking to be enlightened today, thank a veteran.

"Happy Valley" Riots Again

And they think people on the Mountaintop are backward and hostile. Look who's talking. Centre Region needs to secede from Centre County. For our safety.

My Kind of Curmudgeon: Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney "peeled America like a banana" and then he offered it to us. For my money, he was the best part of "60 Minutes".

Andy Rooney

January 14, 1919 — November 4, 2012

Feeding The Homeless

Sitcom: The Hidden Dictionary Definition

Half-hour situation comedy aired at prime time showing fictitious families, friends, coworkers and neighbors abusing one another for the perverted amusement of viewers and fans.

The Last Pond Boss

This afternoon I found our nine-year-old goose, Mayor, dead of natural causes. Now there are no geese left at Gooseport, PA. We will miss him.

Cat Riddles

Q. What's a cat's favorite toy?

A. A cat owner.

Q. What do you call a cat that won't chase mice?

A. Lazy. What else do you call it?

Terrorist Riddle

Q. How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. As many as you allow. But don't act surprised when they change everything else.

9/11 Gate

The Truth About Angels and Gods

If they're invisible to us, they're evil and unworthy. Only cowards hide from the world like thieves in the night. It's as simple as that.

Sheep Time

This clock only displays the time most feared by sheep, blind followers, lost souls and chickenshit cowards. Sorry, this clock only comes in digital version.

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